Demoralized

I’m going through a rough patch of days, mentally and physically. I have tonsillitis (maybe strep throat), and the wounds on my legs and feet have stuck around for a month and are slow to heal. I’m also having some discipline problems in a few of my classes, and the root of the problem is the language barrier. It’s hard to respect your teacher when she’s struggling to communicate. Being conscious of losing your student’s respect is demoralizing. I’m looking forward to the future, when the beginning – the hardest part, I’m told – is over. At the end of the beginning, in March, there’s a prize – Regional meetings. It’s Peace Corps way of saying, “Congratulations, you’ve survived one of the most demoralizing months of your life. Here, have a few days of clean sheets, delicious free food, hot showers, and the company of people who know exactly what you’re going through.”

You know, I’ve never heard the verb “demoralize” spoken so much before I joined Peace Corps. It seems to be one of a PCV’s favorite words, and it’s being incorporated into my own vocabulary. It speaks for the unique challenges that we’re all facing. I know I’m not the only volunteer who is struggling, which should be a consolation.
I’m waiting, maybe a little impatiently, for things to improve; for my Portuguese to improve, for my teaching-style to improve, for my health to improve. Yesterday, I saw one of the most beautiful sunsets of my life. I looked outside and everything had a strange pinkish-tinge, so I knew it was going to be good. The sky was a surprising golden orange color. It turned my day around.